Comprehenision problems

Waking up in mine own skin. Etched in yesterday's nightmare. I can scarcely ran. Where is the new beginning promised?

I am living shadows away. The cunning beast is here to snatch whatever cheer rises with the sun. I just want to be. Is that too much to ask...

I really don't know what happened. Something snapped and still lingers the aroma of death. Why do I get so tired of living? There are too many bathrooms. Too many insignificant desicions. They bother substance. But then I do not want big choices. I just want to sleep on the sand, I want to hear the noise of the waves crashing against the shore but withheld from me and be at rest. Is this retribution? I am guilty of crime and I am trying to run away from it but it seems to keep up with me. I have lost my speed and the breeze of running.

Shuttle

The esclipse of the sun. This morning I mange to be tired and sleep till about 8 that is good. Last night people making noise outside mine window really irritated me because I had a headache and this people could not let me sleep in silence and I tried to hear music and sleep but no, I could not. I was so tired, whole day and my head was trobbing with pain. My eyes were fuming with sleep. This morning after shower, I ate a choc. Kisses.

It feel as if I am still alone. But I feel happier today. Hopefully, it lasts. I feel as if my strength is slowly ebbing in not out. I am on the verge of hysteria and getting very mad with people. That will be a sign of energy.

It scares me that I don't know what is happening. I don't feel like a person. I was talking to someone about the theme in the hall "Creatively Discovering The Individual". I tell you if I could discover what is with me now let alone discover it creatively, I would be rejocing.

I wonder do people bear? I think from their eyes and talk to me. They do.

thoughts

It is very bad to take oneself out of something. I always do that. I am happy and everybody is then I have to spoil the show. It is so irritating and I know everybody is irritated by it. I wish I wasn't like that. It is at times like this that I HATE myself!!!
I am so tired and I want to sleep!!!

Thank God! The pieces are all falling back together!

I am Back. and everyone is slowly falling back. sometimes, space seem to make everything much more new! much more pleaasant. But of course I can say that now, now that it is FINALLY over! Thank God for tiding me over the worst falls. It may be the parts that will hardly be called up in the remembrance of life, but it is when you know what sticks does stick. It is the part that you learn about what matters and what does not. Reflections that bring me to understand what really is it I want.

And now it seems to be over!! Thank God. I am so sad to be away from home. Last night, I was just mulling over it before I fell asleep at 5pm. Why does good never survive time? Why can't I have it all? I already miss home by a multitude of sandbags. I already thinking about the next time I will go back. I am already Back.

And now I am Back. I am happy.

I am lost amidst two worlds trying to find a proper footing on both. What a fool! (Gladly??)

Flying, flying and grounded. yea, it has been a while. and already so much has come and gone. I am back at school after a whip of a trip home. Last night was awful, I am glad it is over. The morrow is here and I am waiting to unpack. The room structure is weird and I am thinking of means and ways to put this in order. Any brilliant idea?

School is starting- what a thought! I already feel it creeping behind me its devious eyes bend on getting to me. But I won't let it bother me now.

Funny incident happen at the airport when i arrived. There was this family with a board that read: Welcome to America Hanna! and already it was weird enough. So I walked past them laughing in my head. And as if they peeked into my head they turned around and asked me if I was Hannah. Erm, errrrrr... dumbfounded! have a laugh.

On a serious note, does names and people have a link?? Do I look Hannah-ish?

The intricate human understanding of the other.

I have been away for some ages. Studying, studying and pretending to. What has develope in this small plot? Nothing much. What has develop in the big universe. alot of small things and alot of huge, time defining things. I wonder if the lost of someone I have never seen matters. Of course, being a Christian, it would matter for eternity. However, what is a death that never was alive. People die everywhere, everyday. I could pretend to feel the pain of the invisible but it is pretend.

I would be ignorant to think this world was a paradise. Somebody, somewhere is wallowing and somebody somewhere is rejoicing. Both share a moment of being the extreme. Both share the moment of divine injection. What is feelings? Do they exsist?

Sometimes it is so hard to realise that people do not feel as we do. What makes one happy may not make another. Is there such a thing as a universal humanhood. I cannot imagine nor apprehend. But I am trying to overcome.

Being in the distance is a human concept that we are who we are. We cannot pretend to feel a loss that never exsist nor can we ignore the feelings of loss. Though, we can truely love what is present. Is that not honesty and sincerity. And in between that we have a human contract that bonds us into a connection. How can we ignore that. We know that and that is how we know malice and joy for others. No hiding under ignorance nor from pretence. The truth prevails.