Fairy tale

The girl lies on her bed. Falling into its soft cushion. Today is her birthday soon within minutes it would pass. And she tries to go to sleep. The day wasn't bad but it wasn't as she wish it had been. She would not admit it to herself. It was not bad and she thought to be happy of that. But it was her birthday some years back. And she didn't dare ask for more. But she wanted to. She wanted to feel that it was cherished and remember not just with a few gifts but by having people around. Her family and friends. And now they were so distant.
She lies on her bed; she is tired almost exhausted. But she won't fall into a deep sleep. Blame the allergies and she keeps taking pills so she would fall asleep but she does not. She can't. Because it is haunting her mind. The lack of extraordinary is.

Over Lunch...

I am sitting facing the glass panel that does not shield the sunlight from me. It falls all over me as I take my food. People move in and out, bouncing with life. Just going along-- sometimes being dragged, other times pushing. It is not like eating really gives you the energy to survive. Neither does it condition our soul to circumstances.
It seems like in our life time we get to know life as we see it and we don't change it unless circumstances forces us to. Thats when we learn that outside this spectrum we dictate to ourselves as habitat there are other conditions the equate to habitat to others almost like us except they don't live like us.
That sums up life in a way, knowing and getting to know the way life wants you to see it.

Exam

Bloody Econ test today. The teacher kept talking at the first part. Shut up. It was so irritating. Plus I was tensed enough. I have a feeling it won't be good. And I am disappointed.
I almost forgot I had a class after that just because my whole brain was in a very tense atmosphere and I could not let it relax.
I have another one on Friday. Would be glad when it ends. But honestly I feel less pressure htis week so I should not complain.

Little thought...

We went through Karl Marx. Funny thing is I feel less hatred for him. I feel sorry for him, really. I mean I still don't know the whole inside story but I feel it was not ill intention or a wan tof power or anger that drove him to such a theory. In fact, it almost seemed well intention just plain stupid. At first it is alluring, bu the assumptions in this case are very naive.
For one thing, it makes me feel better.

Inter-reactions

I am thinking about human relationship. Not anything specific. Just everybody around me. The interactions of the universe, of people wit those around them. And interactions are just not what one does with an acquaintance, is the thoughts, the presumptions and assumptions, the questions, the gossips,etc.. What one may not say or even does not feel or think as well. Those are the way that make us what we are, and how we relate to others.
That is so empowering. That is so huge. Just take a while to imagine just between one person and another then times that by the multitude. It is a spectacle. Everything comes into play. Especially the immensity.
I really don't know what to do with it. I just wonder and I cannot ever apprehend it. I feel so belittled by that very thought. Think what expressions what delusions what atrocities we commit every day. We ruin life with those shatters.

The imagine translating that onto our immediate relations. We are dealing through our hearts, through our feelings and our mind and trying to communicate and receive the result of our communications. And then we interpret messages as we again measure it up.
And we cause something in another. Another with a life and measuring cylinder like us, but then not quite like us. Can anyone even quantify that?

It is bloody amazing. But so scary.

Everyday and today

I do have a lot of work to do. It just that its too much. So every now and then, I take a break. Sometimes, it is especially long. I have a question bothering? When do I continue to write. I wish I wish I would be so inspired I would do it now. And then there is tomorrow. But there would not always be tomorrow.
I have bloody econ to do and that is so tedious. I mean I always love it till now. I don't know why? I should not be afraid to work to use my brains but somehow I am. I am afraid to let it work.
Writing Journal is nice. Write anything one once to write but being ask to keep a journal... seems we are back to sec 1 and 2. where teachers have nothing better for yout o do so they sk ou to keep journals that make you and then link for an eternity. And if you have nothing to write frabicate something. that is what we do in journals.

But I have to try. So I am going to try.