Near the fountains. When all is quiet and dark. Standing there, in teo completely different worlds. One is glamarous. It cascades water a meter tall from six holes. The water falls like a table cloth draped around all sides. The fountain is built on different steps, the water flow down creating folds. Exquisite- that is what it is mean to be.
And the other is like a plain bowl. Why is it even there? Three sections. Three sections. Three sections. What else! In the middle one: afar-nothing; before- light reflections in the night shivering.
I like the second. I don't know why. I just do.

Our Disintegrating Island.

I watched The Island. It had a vaguely similar scent as Huxley's book The Brave New World.

My thoughts follow:

People always evade the truth of mankind. We ignore who we are and then we cannot see ourselves as who we will become. If we can not see the formal we will never see the latter. Are man as beastly as describe in the movie? Will they do anything to survive? I am not a fan of Sci-Fic books or movies. But the future and ability of technology is not the point. If men had the technological building blocks, if we had the keys to anything, what would stop us. Do we even have a notion of morality?

Yes, we want the powers of God. We want to be rich and famous. We want to be beautiful and smart. But what is it that makes us human. Why will us trying to play god scare us too. Because once we reach that point, who would be god? If everyman were the king, who will be the steward? If the ladder to Babel was completed, in the name of bloody equality, who will step up the ladder first. Yes, maybe Adam Smith's theory may work. But I see why it will not. At that point when we have become our own gods. We neglect evil. There is no more evil. Society will be anarchy. Yea, we would throw the other off the ladder. The movie said people will give anything to survive, Tom Lincoln said "It is small price to pay to live" refering to the 5 million dollars he paid to live. Money is a facade of human life. If we think we can reach the infinite where there will be no now or tomorrow, no evil or good, where we will be our own creators. Our evilness will overcome us, our greed will dispense our future, yes and we will have created our own hell.

Because, ultimately, according to Smith's theory, we will do what is best for us! We would all play god if we could, we would drown everyone for our own good. We would change the laws as it befits us. Yea, we the gods of damnation!

But no, there is no such thing! What makes us human. The movie had a few responses, "soul" and "emotions, pain, happiness". Do they both equate? Even animals, beast have emotions and pain. Elephants can cry. What is the soul? Maybe evolution has an answer to that! Our soul is life. What is life?

Then and finally, our materailistic and hedonistic life. We look forward to now. Our objective of life is to live to please ourselves. Even the good that we do is to please our pleasures. And so we seek the interest of our own and those with similar aims as us. Not so that we can help others but that we can help those with the matching pursuit. And alas! those who stands in the way. Woe betide, for they stand in the way of men who are short sighted. Who have no laws about which to bond them. If we had no institution or societ, no laws or restrictions tha tprotects the individual, it is anarchy. And who is to say what is right or wrong.

Common sense will say... Is there not a God.

But right now, I admit, I am scared to live in this insane world. Behold! another shore...

For my sister...

Welcome Home, Ruth!
and though I am not there
know that the imagination is more powerful than reality
Love, Hannah

Dedicated to all my Friends struggling with A levels

all the best for A levels. it must be tiring and dead going through the schedule that cramps all your energy, time and concentration into stupid exam. but there is no sense giving up now. this is the last spurt. do your best and beat it. after that freedom will be genuine. now is not the time to think, just slogg.
i understand, i empathize. remenber once, i was living in the stupid system. my prayers are with you and my heart feels.
once again, all the best!

POSITIVE

What Do I Think????

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE!

death makes life beautiful and real.

to deny that is to deny our exisitence.

life is not in vain.

it is just a gate.

The Night Before. (For Once- Peace)

Past the Jetti, dirty waters float beneath. Crumpled cans and plastic bottles, soiled and empty.

The huge boats repose in harbour nearby. Colourful strains of water leak out the faint traces of oil haresing the lukewarm waters and its inhabitants. The humid, dry, salty taste of the beach view lingers. East winds sweep back the jaggared leaves ofthe coconut and palm trees that the sandy shores inherit. I walked along, barefoot on the prickly, wet sand to the sound of the bubbly waves. Dusk approaches. People are heading home. Somewhere, behind me, the expressways flow with automobils. Everyday scene. Soon, there I will be alone under the sultry full moon burning its spark through my heart leaving an image and vision, I will never forget. Casting its shadow on the dark waters and immortalizing my multitude of thoughts with the night. I lived along the shores of life. The stars, that accompany the moon in that pitch blackness above hear my heartbeat and my fears, my cries to God and my excitment for the unknown. I leave there my footprints and my night of recollection and sereness. What awaits, awaits . What is behind, I imprint, like my footsteps in the sand, in my heart and cast it off, at the same time like the floating coconut husk, onto the choppy cold night waves.

Why does the vision of the night- Sereness and Beauty- tarry. I am hardly sure, just as I am about myself. A stroll, a journey to traverse across the infinite possibilities like the limitless sea, its horizon reaching to the heavens and forming a linkage between the past, present and future. And there along the stony edges of the cliff, I sat. Part of nature, quiet and in solitude with my Creator above keeping watch over me- I found rest.

My Walk

My walk

I went for a walk today after late lunch. I treaded on foot for 1 and a 1/2 hour. Sometimes, distances seem shorter with people alongside and nature seems less intimidating with friends. I pass the horses, they were hidding in their shelters. I felt like them. Lonely and sullen as the days limb on... The ground was damp and the woods breathe the freshness of yesterday's showers. Walking alongside my only companion, the creek, who understood what I was missing. It was swollen and cold. The wind rustle the leaves. I felt the chill, then it hit hard: I am here ALONE. I walked in a surreal state of mind. Trying to think positively, trying to smile with nature but the cold strong winds were not helping.

First, I passed the area covered in fossils. Hidden beneath: our steps, conversations, frolicks. There your voices ring in my heart. I stood form the bench opposite and sat there as if from afar. Looking and longing. Then to the rope swing hanging unuse from the tree. Not moving, dead, nearly touching the swollen waters waiting to burst from their banks if the sky had cried with my broken heart once again. There I could hear your voices over the phone but not feel the comfort of your presence, not relive the mommet. What is gone cannot be recreated. There is the One and Only. Death is more painful if life was beautiful. Memory's shadows are more real when the heat still exsits.

Yes, I was cold. There, alone. Why did you not follow me to the creek?

Then I move along the muddy sticky road. All slushy and slippery. I was wearing slippers and jeans. Trying to evade the brunt of the my foolishness and the dirt from whence I came. The tall trees hid the dreary sky from my sight, the clutter of greenery on the moist soil seem to say "time goes on, so must you" I walked on not pass. The quiet stillness embeded my wounded soul in its shades. I heard the scrambling of the squirrels at times and the ringing silence that distilled my surrealness. I was walking in no-state-of-mind. Enjoying the moment alone. The calmness that set on me... Sorrow had found a place in nature's bosom.

So I traverse where I went not... Freshness was a rest. Though I trembled at my vulnerability to being lost, maybe I needed it for a change... So I let the path lead me and where it diverged just my whimps. Can lost be more lost? There was a sign that read "Miami's spider research. Do not disturb areas that are flagged". I did not see any flags for a way, then in the midst of the bushes I spied small orange flags. Did spiders hide there? If spidology took so much space and research, then what was the world? Would humans clinch the "all knowing" credentials? Far from it... If evolutionist thought that early humans came into exsistence millions of years ago and so far we have not even understood ourselves scientifically, let alone emotionally and spiritually- how can our complex situation come out of a big bang. The Big Bang seems like mystical illusion. A short fused answer to a complex question. The easy way out.

After sometime, through the scatter openings between the trees, there amidst the cracks I sighted civilization. From my dark thoughts and stillness I soon came upon dusty roads. And I knew where I was: lost. I must have been at the stadium. From the stadium I walk up a steep slope. The wind was gusty and at one point, I could hardly breath. I had to stop, bend and open my mouth to concentrate on breathing. The sand and leaves were dragged to Heaven. But I, half of me wish I could be just like them, yet I knew not if they would really be like Elijah. The can of coke slamped noisily against the cement drain. The lamp post shook like a reed with the the Miami flag tied to it being whipped by the winds. I marched along...

Home-

HOME
Where my heart is.
Why do I pine for something so far? And cry even though I know it brings me nothing?
Why do I love something that is lost?
What brings me comfort-
Cannot be expressed in words nor place.
It is not a picture or a memory.
In the shadows of the night, in my prayers
There I seek your solace
I long for your arms
And yet I know not who you are
Maybe it is what they call a mystery-
Incomprehensible, Undescribeable.

Tick,Tick! The clock to hell on earth is ticking...

OK. I was reading the Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. It was for class. But I was so taken in by the authors ideas. It is unbelievably astounding how subtly the book is. And all the ehile people were giving scientific reviews about this in class, I felt "Hey! this is real. This is our world". It is sincerely terrifying though, if you think about it. It is not the decadence or why we can't do what we want to. It is not even about how advance we are. It is about human nature. When we come to a point we are almost brain, conscience and soul dead. It is not when breath goes out or the heart stops beating. It is when we are everything we strive to be but not who we are. And if you underscore the book it all begins when we try to be our own god. It is only to our destruction.

Looking at it from a more social view though, the nightmare has already began. The way people have change the definition and structure of a family, the demeaning of love, the lucidness of sex, the concealing of the individuality for the acceptance of society, the destroying of human emotions...

That is as far as I have read into it. And already is gloomy enough to make me shudder.

We are not far from the end of the world I hope because at the rate we are going and the direction we ar egging ourselves in, we are headed for a living hell. Even if I would barely have scrape by that era, the generations that inherit this from us would have to suffer.

Tonight, before I go to bed my prayer would be "Spare us, O God. Spare us from the unthinkable."