Dear World,
I am back from the dead but just for a while to write this. I have gone because gone is a word when you are in the state I am. This appearance is just to grace the World Cup. Nothing more. I spend the Days to wonder where life is actually heading and the Nights taking dreams away with me thru the WC. Nice WC though, at least the group stages. How does one juggle the world on their feet, round and bouncy with those awkward and unskilled feet wrapped in plastic, tight and manicured plastic boots? I sit and wonder, cheer and laughter engulfing my wonderment.
I have to be going to start a new but what happens when you start to wonder if the new day is for you. When you are not accustom to the light anymore. You fear. Tremble within your soul because you lost the courage to dream for yourself, let alone all the noble thoughts for the others of your kind. I have to start with the unknown, an examination. I do not have time to study so I have to cramp it in. I think I cannot make it. And after, if I do, I have two more. And if I do, I have to now face the light.
I was sleeping to recover from the fatigue, fatigue of mind and body and heart. I dared not to awake. What awaits my awakement. It says in ecclesiastes that "in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow". I have increase to know that I cannot be what I want to be. I do not have the aptitude or capacity. Today I live for tomorrow I die.
When I awoke, it was to a startling phrase left in the humidity and heat of the air. Alone there, I heard it ringing through my ears but as I stumbled out of my sleep, I was blur. At first I heard it, "God had not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of a sound mind" and then I wondered if I had mixed the words up maybe it was not "power" but "love" so it sounded like, "God had not given us the spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind". I thought again that if it was truly true it would not have been so foggy. I wondered if God is here, now. Then it came to me one sentence, "God had not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." When it came, sleep left me. He went away in the moment, he is away at the moment, I had the courage enough to wash my face. Then I wondered if, I had perhaps taken it but it did not belong to me. I look the concordance to find it and found it hidden in 2 Timothy 1:7. Can it belong? Can I own it, even just for that second? I cannot own faith.
But if providence would give just a lease of that minute of that sentence. I'll take it. Till I die again.
For now, HOG
