there are days i think about home.

there are times, when i stop to think and i find reality shocking. if i was asked if i missed home. the answer in the slimplest form would be "of course!!". on the other hand, home is also a state of mind. it is where my body is at rest in an inertia. where there is no tilt or twist.

the peaceful, reconciled of mind. like they say peace is really from within, it is hard to define home. my home, the place i was born and grew up in singapore-

before i knew it, that was gone. sometimes, you get the traveling bug and you excrutiate over the stand still moments but when time has passed u realized that momentus tsunamis are not very fun either. what we want really is a balanced with periods of short tidal waves really.

increasingly, more and more people are traveling and many professions now require traveling. journey has been much shorten however distance has also increased. singapore is 28 hours away and that is just traveling time. when i first came here it took me 48 hours- an improportionate amount of which was spend in the airport. nonetheless, excitment kept me alive. i read, thought and wandered about at almost every stop after all i had to sit like a sardine in the plane rides for hours longer than Add Math lessons. home is far, far away and seemingly not just in distance but in time as well. it seems that years has come and gone since home was a home. but home in spore is somehow still home. when i think and long for rest. for sleep. i dream on lying on the blue coach with lobo streaming from the Bose player and my head resting on a pillow a hand underneath after a hard day of homework and putting aside the fact that there was still a ton to do. sleeping in that evening heat and waking up to the dark windy night and maybe the night lights-

it occured to me that events do occur in the same house but the images of home are specific. the pictures are fixed, the people playing in and out of it are specific and there i find what home means to me.

i have a room here, i have a desk here, i have a bed here but home is far away. these are not bad days. i do have a lot of fun. i do have a lot of time to myself. i do have pictures. i am in transit. a time of thought, reflection and wandering. loitering around the airport. but it is not final destination. i know one day, the picture in my head will be just a memory. home is where i find comfort in lying on the bed not in memories, home is where i am comfortable in terriblely smashed up clothes soaking in the afternoon heat. home is where there is comfort and solitude in the mind. where i feel love is presence and present. where there is no before or after, where i am living the moment without consequence for the after or the past. where history is for the intellectual and tomorrow the astrologers. and I, I am home today.

life is wandering. and i bear the rustle of the leaves with the youth of independence, with the urge and passion for the sun. i treasure the independence of the time and distnce that keeps me away. i see life as a beginning, the days as a start. my steps are crunching the cement and my heart is blowing with the moments of the one and only.

but then again, there is a sequence, there needs a replenishing of water when i thirst. home is not a miss, it is waiting. it is a state of mind. it is knowing that there is a bed waiting if i fall. it is knowing that there blankets that i can cuddle into and shut out the light. it is knowing that i do not miss it for it is there. it is knowing that it exsist in mine heart not just as a memory but a reality, an attachment, a part of me. the love for the dwelling, moments that i had and the people who make it possible.

there are times, when i want to go home really bad. there are times when you cannot see the prayers of the soul. but in these moments it is when I know that what exsist must first exsist in my heart. then maybe, the moments are not so unbearable. one day these will be potions of the my heart which no time, distance or feet can take away from me. not even myself. it is simply not replacable.