Diary

Whose life do I have to live? Whose name do I have to adopt? Whose believes and values must I adopt?
I am so sick and tired of people insisting, pushing, forcing me to be what I cannot be.
Oh and taking my words and tearing it apart.
When I can't even put an argument forward... When I am not allowed to question.
Faith? faith is a gift of God. I cannot give it to myself. Neither can you force it. I want it as much as you want me to have it. But who are you to force it? You are not God, don't play Him.

Oh God, why was I even born? maybe, it would have been to have been still born. What is a life when a crowded room is lonely. What is life when my prayers are as vacuum.
No, I don't have the answers to everything. No, I am not a saint. No, I am cannot please everybody, though I have tried all my life to. No, I am not saved.

O God, Thou who art omniportant! If You see the troubles of my heart, my heartbeat and the bumps and squirts. There must be a purpose for everything.

I give up trying to fight everyhting. I am just a sinner, a human, Thy creature. O God!!!! whatelse can I say! Do not withhold Thy showers upon my torn and scrapy skin! Let the rain flow with the anguish on my heart.

Let salvation come Lord for there is no other answer. There is no other hope! O God, when will Thou come...