Travail

What are you thinking? Everything is so
conflicting? What is balance? What is equality?
Why does life has to be so complicated, then so
simple. This itself is so conflicting.
My soul is troubled, I am not at
peace-
I am surrounded by questions
I am surrounded by
answers
I am encompassed by life
And I find no avenue of
escape
Now I carry the burden of me and my world and I
cannot hide from it. To be less than that is to be ignorant, conceited and a
corward. It is to be everything that is not humanity.
To be more than that is torture, is pain, a sign of
humanity, a sign of depravity, a sign that nothing will ever be perfect.
Perfection is not beauty, Beauty is not
perfect.
Life has fooled us, cheated
us.
Then it is a gift, only one
gift.
I don't want to give away this gift because it
is mine, it is precious and it is a gift of love, a gift of who I am. But it is
too much to bear, it is encumbering me. I am so small, it is a giant. I am
David, it is Goliath. But I do not know the end to this story. I t is but the
begining of the sojourn.
I can only make it up with love- what is
painful to overcome my pain, a pain killer-
And yet you would not understand, if I told you
I have tried to give everything, I have love where it hurt and I have tried to
make you smile and you would call me a fool. You take my lightedness as
simplicity, my easiness to task-
I take it cause it is my only way of escape,
escape from knowing I am part of the cause of your sorrow, of your anger, of
what I cannot see but see its existence. And I want to help make it lighter. I
want to help you smile, maybe for a while, but at least provide you an escape
but for a season so that I may escape.
Because it is me to feel pain and it is me to
love. Just as I know it is me that gives pain and me that needs love.
I am sorry if I have not been everything I
should or say I am.
I am just learning to play a game, that means
so much to me, where a mistake will hurt you whom I love and where you are my
opponent.