sleepless night

can't sleep. good or bad? eating. yea, i suddenly have a bloody good appetite!!

i have a friend who blogs really well, for random bloggers looking for random reads, this is highly recommended:

http://elizabethjoymiller.blogspot.com

i keep thinking. i think that i won't stop thinking. think think tinker sign

tonight, or rather this beautiful morning, i will be totally dead in class becaue i can't study and can't read and can't sleep. i am a wanderer in my head. little wanderings, here and there. until the morning rays blink hysterically through my blinds, then it will be gone all the uncertainties and i will be there- dead in the real world. i am not going to be able to talk in class. what is worse, i have homework to do and i actually can't do it when i drastically need to do it its a major components of grades. the problem is i have been trying. so i will keep trying

here is the good news. the world is going to flood. i mean rain cats and dogs. i want it to rain, rain, rain and pour upon our parched souls!

Steps

I feel happy. This week was busy. Sometimes tiring. But God made it good- mercies and joy were splashed on the paper.
I had two exams and my econ paper was badly written, my spanish exam was quite bad too. I felt like I could have panick. It isn't that it has gone out of mind, its just God helped me to get through it. There is no explanation for what I did right this time.
I realised that sometimes, you don't plan. Because you simply cannot. It is also worse when you fail. I don't mean not to have goals or determination. I think you just cannot expect it to happen like it should. You can plan to succeed, but you may not. You try, but it is not always to exaction. It happens that we succeed. And it happens that we don't.
So today, I thank God I am still alive.
Whatever happens, happens. I don't know what or how. Its hard to think of tomorrow, why go so far? It is easier to live one step at a time. When I lose control it is eaier to grapple with the moment and when I am dishearten, I know that joy comes in the morning. And if it dosen't then I 'll have to wait till it does. One morning.
I think what I would miss most is not lost opportunities per say. But momments and occassions. I am being vague because it is easier to be general. But I would say this especially with people. Music and poetry, running and basketball and football- rhythm. And with people its the same thing- rhythm. Expression and nerves.
So this week was good, thank God.

Snow prayer

Dear God,
Please make my heart, soul and mind white as snow. As the snow that falls from heaven so make my heart through the Blood of Thine Son, Jesus Christ, in Whose Name I pray, Amen.

Thoughts from nature

The snow is glistering as the sun smiles on it. it feels sacarstic. almost like snide. I behold the relationship between them, and I think everyone has its day over the other.
i had another allegory in my mind, friendship is like colours put together. colours blend and don't. but sometimes they also offer a different spectrum even in the way they blend or not blend. why do they blend, how do they blend and even in blending might there be ways in which their effects are rough.

Did you see the forecast? Wintry mix.

I was walking to class today. The pavement was either sealed in freezing ice or brown snow. The roads were messy with sludge. It looked like an ordeal for most to simply walk to and from class. Even cars and buses were at pains. The sight of the havoc wrecked by the 3 days of snow was simply disgusting.
But the rest was beautiful. Besides the mess. I am not sure how thats possible. The rest of earth seem to melt into the cream of snow. It was a lush fragrance of white. Upon which I felt my body would have sunk into. If not for the thought that crossed my mind...
The roads were smudge into puddles of crush ice mixed with snow, unpure and unwrapped for the fine wintry mixed it was because we had trampled upon it. Our shoes and our cars and our buses. Our- that was what destroyed the scene that fell form heaven. We- that was what wrecked the damage. Me- that was who made the difference.
I looked back and forth and the vast difference became clearer and clearer. The contrast was starked. It sprang upon me from the sides, like thoughts of invisible men... There WE were, and we complained.

Another day, another time...

Some pictures first to make my blog less wordy-








Today, we did not have school.
How did that happen, I don't know.
Yesterday, I did not have school.
Can miracles happen twice? In a row?
It snowed and snowed and snowed. And just when it was going to stop. It snowed.
The exciting thing about here is that there are so many natural extremities and calamities for reasons not to go to school. I remember saying its exciting. But its also school-less. I mean even if people wanted to be stingy about school-hard task masters- they can't becasue of the weather. And God controls the weather. So pray. Pray and pray.

Recently besides the incessant snowing, I got to go to a waterfall and on trek. I really enjoyed myself. I have to thank God this semester seem a lot less stressful. Not because the classes are any less hard. I am still taking about the same number of credit hours. Its the pure mercies of God.

New Year' 09 and a new entry

New year, but is there anything new under the sun? Indeed, time flies but we already knew that.
Everytime I think of time and spaces, landmarks and occassions, I think of the aging factor. I think if I feel more grown. And the truth is, not really.
There is a lot to be thankful for in the year 2008. I think just the sheer enormity of 2008 is baffling. Its like you have a new calender every new year. It is white and clean and empty. And at the end when you look back, it is riddled with things it has balloned with notes and scrap paper and all of the everyday things. And happenings. And you thank God its over.
But I forget, you don't actually stop for there is no day zero. No fullstop, no pause. It was just that moment of thought. That marked something. Thoughts of thankfulness and regret. Thoughts of contemplation and resolution.
And the new year, what, a span of time to be soon over!

The story of change- American election 2008

As I sit here, keeping track of the American elections, as political pundits try to call the game early; I realised sometimes part of playing a game is knowing your weaknesses and knowing the formidable-ness of the opponent. Before I elaborate on this thought though, I want to go into my stochastic thoughts...

Long before this game is over, many would predict an Obama win, it seems at this stage that the fight is closer than it was in the primaries when Obama was pitted against Clinton. Money, energy and incredible spirit went into the campaigns but particularly Obama's campaign. Yes, it really was his. This whole election would probably be another one, if not for him. What is it about him? Is it that he has made history? Before that, was it his ideas, his speeches, his charisma that rallied crowds and caught theri attention.

Obama runs by something that few people have ever runned by. Yes, he has indeed enmassed crowds becasue of the historicity of his run and later his canidacy. Again, his down-to-earth speeches could not have been more eloquent and eye catching. Finally, he had the charm and grace of a politician. And yes, we must not forget every situation was in his favour. There was the war to begin with. The more it lingered, the louder in tingered in the ears of the American electorate. Oil prices were swooning right over the heads of the largest oil consuming economy, people were fuming. Then, when he found himself in a dead heat with McCain, who had seem to had found a game changer in Sarah Palin, Barack Obama was handed the economic crisis. Not just a depression, but a money market failure. The federal reserve bank and treasury were at their wits end pulling all stops to prevent investment banks from going down. When Lehman filed for bankruptcy, people trembled. Many homes forclosed and soon home owners were facing the downward pressure, owing more on morgages then their homes cost. It hit close to home. But it wasn't all handed to him. Yes, he ran on the troubles on America, but the question is who did he run as?

Most politicians, choose to publicized themselves as the guy-next-door or your everyday person. Just like most Americans, they want to picture humble beginings and hhardwor, good values and maybe, from a certain perspective, a kind of fairy tale ending. But Obama did more than that, he wanted to portray himself not just as an everybody. He wanted to be the saviour. Like Jesus, he wanted to be a carpenter's son. Like Jesus, he wanted to be the son of a widow. Like Jesus, he wanted to be a revolutionary. Like Jesus, he wanted to out talk the pharisees, scribes and Romans of the day. Like Jesus, he wanted to help the poor and out. Like Jesus, he wanted to teach the people. And like Jesus, he came at the time of captivity.

But he is not Jesus. Obama promised change but never did he exactly state what change he had in mind. He mounted the stumps, promising a departure from poltics, was he promising paradise? He raillied supporters, mostly youth to inspiration slogans and chants! He decried the apostacy of the Bush policies and instead he said believe in me becasue I am change. He declared that he wanted to give back the wealth to the people. By saying this, he was saying that he knew, just like Jesus, that he could tax people who work and give it to those who need it. He is the invisible hand of the free market. He is the hand that will decide becasue he has an instinct and foresight of prophecy. When he first came on the presidencial scene, he said that he was the only one, who voted against the war. And therefore, he had such a deep insight that he was the man for America. Had he not told them, the war was wrong! And now had it not come to passed! What folly that others had not listen. Becasue he could tell right form wrong. He could distinguish failure from success. And if America needed a messiah, it was now! So now, O America, the land of the brave and free, now vote for thy messiah!

He told them vote for change if you want to see prosperity. If you want to wake up and see the flowers blooming and the leaves blossoming. If you want to see your generations flourishing, then now is the time to vote for change. He was the epitomy of that change. It wasn't a philosophy or a system of values or even a science. If anything it was him. Just as people believe in Jesus, now turn ye, and believe in this god. He didn't stop there alot of being a god is the image of it and so he went to Europe, sat with leaders, made speeches in historical settings and then in the eyes of many he tried to prove his credibility, his signs and miracles.

His first and probabaly only track record was that vote- that vote that he voted against the war in Iraq. Undeniably, he did. But could not that have been anything, a gamble. To jugde a man, judge him in his ideologies. Like Jesus wanted to be jugde, Jesus thought you should jugde him for his doctrines. And maybe thats what Obama failed to realised. It is not the miracles, it is not even the prophecies. It is the doctrines. Because as Jesus predicted many will come in His name, with signs and miracles, healing the poor and blind and lame. But your doctrine, the principle is where you test the mantle of the prophet. Not the charism, the gift, the courage, the look but the doctrine.

Unfortunately, the final doctrine and principle I got from Barack Obama leaves mw without a shadow of doubt. At first he was all chant and spirit but as the story unfolded Barack Obama, the man of change, retarded to socialism. I am hardly surprise, for why should I be. Socialism is just the euphumism and child of communism, also known as Marxism. But socialism is also where man say that we know better, we are the hands of the market, we are god above others above the layman of America. Above them all, we can therefore know what is good more than you. Is not that his philosophy? The doctrine of Barack Obama claims that he as man is the new god.

And finally that is what I think he does not get Barack Obama cannot be the saviour of America. Yes, we all have a responsibility in thsi world. But we, no matter how much we learn, no matter how much virtue there is in us, we are never, never in a position to be better than another. To force our virtue on others. See, at the end of the day, this is it. Jesus kingdom was not of this world, he was not interested in the politics of it, he really wanted to save people souls. But Obama cannot deny that if anyhting his prize is earthy and just like his prize so he must be earthy too. He cannot be Jesus, he cannot be a messiah, he cannot be a saviour and he cannot be above his fellows. He thus, admits so, then he must admit his foundation, doctrinal principles are wrong.

And for that, no matter, the election results, Barack Obama, I believe, is wrong.

Exhaustive thoughts-After another week-Between the next one

Hello!

Tonight, I am just about too tired to do anything. I have exhausted myself keeping up with work and it seems as if there is no end to it after I am ended. Speaking about ends.

There is that terrible hurricane coming along the gulf of mexico, its power has been estimated in billions of dollars not mere wind speeds and levels of flooding. Worst maybe, it will be collecting lives on it destructive path.

There is also me, here tonight being destructive again. I have been thinking that maybe somewhere along the way we made a mistake. When I sit in class, sometimes I think this teachers barely even know the basic, they skim over it as if it was a waste of time. They feel these basics are irrelevant small details to the bigger picture. And I feel that when we miss this we just passed by too fast and we missed developing substantially. We have superficially developed everything and basics instituions such as law and philosophy and economics and now we come so far in our superficiaity will it be costly to turn around? Or costlier to not?

And so now we are reaping the failed consequences of our rashness and presumption and maybe pride and ignorance too. Banks are failing, our economical system is tragic and we dig bigger holds to pull ourselves out and fall into even bigger ones. Then, look at our systems and philosophy, look at politics. And is it not just a tragic situation!

Time knows no end.

A thought passed by today. Just had to put it down. We never really complete anything. There is no ending. Just when we think that we reached the happy ending and it is over. Really it is not.
Stages exist, maybe. But not a full completion. It is just like the life cycle. It is a cycle not a line. And we are part of one cycle. But our end, is not the end. We are the end for a beginning.
hmmm....
if I translate this in to other thing though it implies that no work is ever finish. That everything is a process. We had started from a process and we are just continuing it..

random paragraphs

2nd week of school- i can feel the work piling up? or is just a figment of my imagination? a page from my experiance?

R- said I should try to write in paragraphs. the problem is I don't think in paragraphs, sometimes not even in sentences.

blog writing- i have been really slacking in keeping this personal forum up to date. it must because it is just not rational. rationality is economical. this is emotional.

heat- sweltering heat this week until the drizzles came. it mist up my spects. licked my skin and make me feel closer to heaven, nearer to the water falls and just wet

no money- my phone ran dry. till the last cent. what does one do with the last cent?

reading wrongly-i have been reading wrongly. did homework earlier. though email information was for me when it was not.

tired- by the end of the week, it usually is the end of me.

isolation- i think it is not about that anymore, i think now i just feel satisfied. just trying to sync without an ambience

home- i realised that my home is no more. moving on.

politics- is only good when the race is close. when u have to fight the inch. other than that we don't call it politics.

hurricanes- they even have one name after me. well, almost.

songs- can may u feel like singing. when u hear them. they are infectious.

game theory- rational???

economist- proud???

August... and new term...

Schools started and I was just mumurring that sometimes I cannot understand the furore of school beginings. I wish it was just a little more calm. or instance I don't really enjoy the buying books commotion, trying to remember where each class and appreciating the querks of every lecturer! To say the least I don't find it exciting, why care about the nitty-gritty things! Why not get into the work and start to learn what counts.. startings are so mundane and slow and they don't really tell you about classes sometimes they can even be deceiveing.
That said, there has been alot going on in the world. Russia and Georgia virtually at war and this tight rope Europe is trying to walk and the inertness of the United States. Russia is almost taking advantage of the situation. Then there is the US elections as it goes into its full swing and all the hype with it. Of course, even nature has to get a little in the news room, China has been dealt anohter blow, in Sichuan again, with an earthquake and all the reprucussions seems to be big bolts as well. They seem to be getting no sleep. And about this time as well, the hurrican Gustav (such a russian name) hits the news page even as it destroys homes and brings recollections of Katrina. Then, the Japanese prime minister quit, maybe another revolt in Thailand. Man City is sold to an Arab group. The Premier League gets under way. US Open starts with the end to the Olympics. Is Federer going to take it home this time?
So thats for a quiet update. Alot of things to think about and no time to think about them. It seems that everything in life will demand somthing from you and unknowingly you you do give somewhat to them... only they demand MORE!!
I kind of like the silence and privacy of my room. Affords me the space to be idle here. I am just getting into the mood.
Yet to see the world, HoG

Social justice, per say.

Whoever thought life would be so surprising, so manipulative and yet so transcient. And yet mystery upon mystery, how do we escape social injustice and the seeming inadequacies of the law in our societies? This phenomenon has been plaguing us since the inception of time, however you want to see that, and it has yet to be answered. Had we not some of the greatest philosophers, had we not seen upheavels of societal values and systems, had we not been through the old and wise, and yet are we still debating this question.
How do we answer to generations?
Today, as I was sitting in statistics lesson, it struck me that sometimes as we emerge from a reformation of some sort, brought into enlightenment and reveling in our accomplishments we somehow, somewhere, lose our emergent doctrine and sustenance. Worst, we actually trample on it so we can pull ourselves out of the slump that we feel encompasses us. Yes, indeed, for a while now I had been thinking that since no one really has the apptitude to call the whole theory of the formation of world to perfection, so we are left to improve on their improvision. Take off from where they left off. Then we go in circles, that was what puzzuled me. I think it was what Marx may have found systematic in his theory. The rise of the middle class, he assumed, was an indefeatable circumstance in the course of history and would remain so. However, here I want to propose a reconciliation to his point of view and his observations. Namely, that we seem to be turning in circles never able to finally improve into a system that seeks to provide the needs of the lower classes. How could that be?
I must say one motivation besides statistics was the current American election in which subtlely through the economic circumstances the issue of social justice has emerged. Maybe once again.
So what has this to do with our beginnings? Social justice, per say, is a very big encompassing word. Social justice can be quantified and qualified into different sub groups. But much of what we seek and aspire for is really more of a valued based aspiration than a political and judicial problem. Obviously as individuals form into organisations, their philosophy and opinions permeate and penetrate and sometimes unconscious defile the system.
How does one separate and consign justice and value into spheres of their own? This, I will answer as practically, simply and briefly as I can. The emergent desire for man's social justice is really a sense of fairness beginning from his right to say and do as he pleases without violating others. A person desires to be his own servant and no one else. Unanswerable to no other unless he bounds himself therewith. That is, his freedom. This is consigned as justice. Value however can be qualified to use this freedom as he deem worthy. The person wants to put a value to his life and that is as he sees appropraite to it. Nobody can define that to him however society also makes its own judgement that does not, either, seeks for his approval and consent.
It may be generally said that while society, no matter how different its individuals, commonly hold standards and expectations, especially when they are dervied from people who hold in common this value and the neccesity of it, to begin with. When society steps in through political and judicial means to correct injustice in what it sees as the mistakes of individuals, it really loses its footing on the freedom of that individual.
Thus, I conclude by saying while the world may be extremly gray on such issue, politics or a judicial approach is not an answer to social injustice. The answer lies within the value system of the individual.

China quake and Myanmar cyclone

Not too long ago, in China, there were strange happenings. Let me explain the usage of the term "strange". See, at first, China was celebrating in pompous fashion her hosting the Olympics. Now, this celebration did not remain on her shores. It transcended across her home boundaries and whiffed into the noses of other lands. And when this happened, it naturally received a mixed reaction. The Chinese diaspora, true to their roots, enchanted with nationalistic fervour and overwhelmed by a sense of unity with the motherland came out and poured into the streets with numbers and spirit to harp upon the Chinese accomplishment crowed and manifested, this time by China hosting the Olympics. Her first to date.
With that there were other dissenters. I am not sure what to say about them. Did they win? Were they heard? One thing for sure, Tibetian dissenters defenitely came out with a vengence to be heard. You could see them. If one missed them grabbing the Olympic torch or if they felt they miss the opportunity of grabbing the torch, they definitely grabbed the headlines with their. There were other dissenters. Quieter ones, who inflated themselves with the moral beliefs that China was undeserving of being a host to the Olympics. After all the Olympic are a testament to the human spirit. And China is definitely not a country to uphold that individuality and survival of the human spirit. No, China, by its own testament has squashed the human spirit. See, Tiananmen Square of 1989, see the Cultural Revolution and the Great Leap Forward. The communist government, according to many have never inspired the endearing name of upholder of human spirit neither has it be viewed to be anywhere near it. To the contrary, it is seen as an abuser of human rights. It actually stifles information, politcla participation and thus individual accomplishment. With time and change, it has definitely began lossening controls on individual rights. Or has it? Undoubtedly, there were dissenters with the decision of the Olympic committee to hand such a event over to Beijing. Some quiet some not as quiet.
As the protest, especially over Tibet took greater stage in political forums, governments and dignitaries had to choose. Sitting on the fence or remaining quiet was not fashionable at that time. It became an issue. Although Beijing the Olympic committee insisted that this was not a political setting and refuse to bring politics into the question, the dissentment did not go away. It was a moral issue, no doubt. A moral issue that had political implications. Something to do with justice and the law. Not international law, just a sense of right and wrong. Cases were made for and against.
There were a few political leaders who still refuse to attend to these matters. They insisted on turning a blind eye and a deaf ear. Some of them had previously been champions of human rights, democracy and such like. For once, we could find them no where. There were a few who were hesitant about coming into this shambles. It had more political stake than anything. These moral pinnings of the human soul and a political representation had a lot of stake in them. China is rising like a red dragon. Her diaspora has come out onto the streets like red dragons set on fire! And here she was demanding respect as a sovereign state to control her own philosophy and instill it on her citizens and those they claim to be theirs. They resented those who resent them. And this red dragon was not to be messed with. So, suddenly, Mr Bush, took a back seat. Suddenly, his spirit evaporated.
And the story is only begining!
With all this highlights, China became too big for herself. She burst. And I mean literally burst. Yea, like an earthquake, you know. The land rumble, the houses came down, and everything else along with it... No, this wasn't in a province, unknown tot he rest of the world. This was in the Sichuan province, a rising industrial center. Epic center was just outside the capital of the province and the tremors traveled 900 miles to the epic center of the Olympics. Slowly the death numbers rose, the damage valuation increased. The quake was measured at 7.9 just as the numbers of those left homeless started to be counted. And while at first Beijing did not seem to keen for help or attention. It soon realize it needed help. The measure of the blow sank in.
The was unrest and the government tried to stifle the noise. Other issues came into play as people began to examine corrupt practices such as cutting corners on infrastructue and the efficiency of response. The government felt it needed to silence media except for state media. Needed to keep a handle on its peoples mouth. And needed to control their feelings. Where had all your patrotism gone?
Suddenly, the diaspora deflated, they turn into victims and transported their energy into seeking for relief. Through the internet and other outreaches, they harness numbers to help the countrymen.
I began to think as China just began to feel its invincibility, just as patrotism turn into fervour... Babel fell.
I realised that just as dissenting took a back seat, for all you know the earth quaked. Out of it, maybe we heard something... Ask yourselve.
I only say, I don't this is an end, neither the Olympics...
Let me add, a little to the story. Not long before, all the rumble in China, there was a cyclone not to far way. In Myanmar. Another oppressive nation. Junta government to which China and India cozy up with because of its geographical advantages and natural resources. The death toll began its climb...

Near the Gulf of Mexico...

I went to the beach... no, not langkawi, not trengganu or anywhere near penang...no, actually it was florida. There are many fascinations to this escapade. It is not as wild, as releasing an idea. But you know when you are let from a hole, anything seems nice. Any air to one about to suffocate is oxygen to the dead. That is how it felt when I left. And the sky was weeping with me, tears of joy! So, one of the trills was driving there. I must say I enjoyed driving. It was scary in the night when it rained. The trucks were an overwhelming force, not on one side but two! Coming at you on the flanks, like Ferdinand and Vidic, only with more legs. Admittedly, I was intimidated to the core. The next time I was at the wheel, I resolve to ignore their scare bullying tactics. But I wasn't about to risk being taken down by a whipping so mostly I like them speed ahead of me. Once I felt more confident, I began Ronaldo-ing... and then I was on the way to Florida! Honestly, I wish I had more time on the wheel.
I wasn't too impress with Florida. The place we landed in though was quiet. I think that quite made the trip. But once you step into the sand, smell the salt and just push your eyes to the horizon, squint it against the reflection of the sun on the waters, then you forget time, you forget boundaries, you forget problems. At that moment, it is all about that moment. Playing in the foamy waves was fun. Crashing into them was even better. The water was deep so nobody had to go too far out. I must say the thoughts of shark attack still scares me deep down. I enjoyed sitting in the sand, burying myself underneath. It was like a blanket. Tucked inside with all the trapped thermal energy, I would dry in minutes. The sunshine makes one feel closer to heaven, to gold, to glory. The ray was electrifying after days without the glow. The immensity did not seem overwhelming.
One late morning, I was traversing the outskirts and of the ocean, on my journey I saw people picking shells, just being lazy (that is the objective), fishing, swimming, running, etc; as I took note of my surroundings, I began to think of what really was the beach to people. I mean of course there were all these activities and other water sports: jet skiing, kayaking, sailing, boating, snorkeling, surfing, etc... Why and how do people appreciate the beach?
It is truely amazing that beach holds so many fascination. Just standing in the shallow waters, as I felt the jagged ways hit onto shore and retreat in foam, the sensation of shells being dragged by the current back into the ocean. When I stooped down and wondered my hand feeling their broken pieces, unshapely pieces and once in a while feeling something still perfect. I mean it is wonderful that are small pleasures in life we don't always dwell on. Maybe that afternoon as I stood there preoccupied with the sea shells, maybe I could have done more with that time but there are things God creates so attractive that I wondered at that moment of my Creator. It would be hard to go to the beach and frolick in the sand without stopping to breathe the air and just taking a private moment the smell of the wind. So it would be hard not to take a moment off and replenish the soul, to replenish faith in seeing small, very small things wield so much power.

Glory Glory Man Utd!!!

I am so glad I found this website where I could watch Man Utd skim past Barcelona with a 1-0 win at Old Trafford. It was not exciting but it was definitely nail-bitting! God held Man Utd's post and I feel sorry for Deco, Messi and Henry! They had the ball possession, but we when away with the win now for a hearty all-England finals, first in history! cheers, mates!!!
Btw, thx Heineken and all sponsors... It is time for a Manchester United championship.

just in another day's work...

ok, so full-of-joys i read your blog today again. your latest post and momo recollection of chew what-a-joke it was funny, i was sitting in the library and i just started laughing at the laptop. hahaha... anyway, it was really good communicating thru msn and i can't wait to come back and play sotong ball... i mean netball... watch man utd and go soccer crazy. talk about making fun of teachers and just having some fun. well, i say yss was stupid for not making u relief teacher, cause you and we were a vital part of history... we made history...well i miss the fact that communicating is so rare just because of every complication its lousy and frustrating... anyway, i hope to come back soon!!

today, was a really cold day. but because of that i spend a good time studying and watching letters of iwo jima. the movie was effective not just because of the goriness but the emotions communicated in the midst of all that blood and death; just left me at the edge of my seat. i could feel with almost every character, how war traps the individual on both sides of the field. and i think that it also makes me consider the enemy. the image of the enemy is so different when you look as them as people just like ordinary people.

well i am going to work hard and then i am going for a week break in florida and then back to work... God help me enjoy life to the best!!!

I am now LICENSED

I felt really good yesterday. Probably the ultimate high of the week. On Wednessday I was feeling really cocky. But yesterday's feeling had a reason behind them. And the reason is...
I thought I was going to fail. This time it seem almost a clear failure path. Not because I thought I was nervous or that I would make mistakes. Instead, it was quite clear that I did not have one part of the test down to a science. That scare me. I though to myself that maybe I should not even try until I got it down. I knew that if ever I passed it would be nothing short of a miracle.
I had four hours of instruction with this certified instructor, a grumpy old man named Bee. He was as discouraging as could be. He would call his other students, do his stocks, even once forgot to bring the cones for practice. When we met him for half an hour before the test, it was clear he wanted to leave and he was both rude and sarcastic. It was clear, he thought I was going to fail.
By then I was tired, maybe the only energy I had was from stress. And sometimes, the only resort for dismal situations, the only hope, is prayer...
BUT, yes, I passed my test, didn't hit a cone and though I almost skip a traffic light and saw a man opposite getting arrested at a junction, I am now a license driver. Quite miraculously!!!
So we had a good dinner consisting of alaskan crabs and clams along with white wine..
Came back and drank a beer...
Thank God!! must also thank my father, unc abraham ad jere for fomenting the vision in such a short space of time. i must say it is always nice to beat the odds and defy the expectations. not just because its more fulfilling, but because it gives faith that miracles do happen when everything is out of your control!

The world is moving on. But where to...

I haven't been blogging for a while, but finally I am back. While I have been away, things have changed. Not just with me personally, but more so with the world I live in. In a way it has not changed but rather the light has shifted on what it is really like outside there in thw worth we call earth, we call home.
The Olympics, one of the things I look forward to is coming up this summer 2008. It is taking place in China. China and the Olympics? The irony must strike you. The embodiment of the human spirit and the emblem of the destroyer thereof. There are all sorts of arguments and issues being raised. As the Olympic torch has taken its journey, riots have been sparked in some of the major cities. It may seem like one of those activist movements, struggles; you know the usually crazy passionate freaks who riot for what they may not even know alot about. But there is alot at stake here. This arguments have not to do with if heads of states should attend. If China should have been given the right to hold the Olympics, or is it if Tibet really belongs to China. There is a principle to it. The principle of liberty and doing what is honest and proper. Some people say there is no absolute truth. But there is and we are cowards to hide from it. Why are leaders so afraid do something? Because of money? This problem of choosing liberty usually stayed down in countries where democracy was a far cry but now it has come to the doorsteps of the champions of the political ideology itself. And they are hesitating...
China has abused its own people. In Tianeman Square, one of the worst pictures when tanks of soldiers ran amok and ran down students their comrades... And the Chinese cannot even feel sad for their own people, they support their government but worse, its ideology, its repression and they blame the western media. It is not about the western media which is bias, admittedly, it is about priniciples which are very obvious form an objective perspective. But people have not just be stupefiied, but pacified with material contentment and material satisfaction of filthy lucre they would sell their souls.
Another thing that has taken of highlight mode, is the rising prices of food necessities. Daily staples such as rice, bread, milk and eggs have increase all over the world. No one is spared; neither rich nor poor, neither industrial countries nor agricultural sectors; neither young nor old. Of course, though the poor and defenceless are the ones that suffer the most from this events. But nobody really knows why this is happening? Nobody, no eocnomist dare even predict why this is happeing. That is why I think this is serious. Because it is baffling. I don't know I smell Malthus and then I smell something fishy... somebody is playing games...

Defining moment

Right now, I am looking forward to the sky weeping an ocean. Oh God let it rain so I can go outside and frolick like the world is only about moments like this. Wishful thinking? But I would pray to the God of the Heavens and earth, let it rain on the dry, cold earth.
I remeber the red sky nights with the breezy winds so strong that the flower pots drop the soil escaping and the shoes all wet. I remember the smell of the earth so comfortable, so refreshing to the everyday soul. And it is for these defining moments I crave now.