China quake and Myanmar cyclone

Not too long ago, in China, there were strange happenings. Let me explain the usage of the term "strange". See, at first, China was celebrating in pompous fashion her hosting the Olympics. Now, this celebration did not remain on her shores. It transcended across her home boundaries and whiffed into the noses of other lands. And when this happened, it naturally received a mixed reaction. The Chinese diaspora, true to their roots, enchanted with nationalistic fervour and overwhelmed by a sense of unity with the motherland came out and poured into the streets with numbers and spirit to harp upon the Chinese accomplishment crowed and manifested, this time by China hosting the Olympics. Her first to date.
With that there were other dissenters. I am not sure what to say about them. Did they win? Were they heard? One thing for sure, Tibetian dissenters defenitely came out with a vengence to be heard. You could see them. If one missed them grabbing the Olympic torch or if they felt they miss the opportunity of grabbing the torch, they definitely grabbed the headlines with their. There were other dissenters. Quieter ones, who inflated themselves with the moral beliefs that China was undeserving of being a host to the Olympics. After all the Olympic are a testament to the human spirit. And China is definitely not a country to uphold that individuality and survival of the human spirit. No, China, by its own testament has squashed the human spirit. See, Tiananmen Square of 1989, see the Cultural Revolution and the Great Leap Forward. The communist government, according to many have never inspired the endearing name of upholder of human spirit neither has it be viewed to be anywhere near it. To the contrary, it is seen as an abuser of human rights. It actually stifles information, politcla participation and thus individual accomplishment. With time and change, it has definitely began lossening controls on individual rights. Or has it? Undoubtedly, there were dissenters with the decision of the Olympic committee to hand such a event over to Beijing. Some quiet some not as quiet.
As the protest, especially over Tibet took greater stage in political forums, governments and dignitaries had to choose. Sitting on the fence or remaining quiet was not fashionable at that time. It became an issue. Although Beijing the Olympic committee insisted that this was not a political setting and refuse to bring politics into the question, the dissentment did not go away. It was a moral issue, no doubt. A moral issue that had political implications. Something to do with justice and the law. Not international law, just a sense of right and wrong. Cases were made for and against.
There were a few political leaders who still refuse to attend to these matters. They insisted on turning a blind eye and a deaf ear. Some of them had previously been champions of human rights, democracy and such like. For once, we could find them no where. There were a few who were hesitant about coming into this shambles. It had more political stake than anything. These moral pinnings of the human soul and a political representation had a lot of stake in them. China is rising like a red dragon. Her diaspora has come out onto the streets like red dragons set on fire! And here she was demanding respect as a sovereign state to control her own philosophy and instill it on her citizens and those they claim to be theirs. They resented those who resent them. And this red dragon was not to be messed with. So, suddenly, Mr Bush, took a back seat. Suddenly, his spirit evaporated.
And the story is only begining!
With all this highlights, China became too big for herself. She burst. And I mean literally burst. Yea, like an earthquake, you know. The land rumble, the houses came down, and everything else along with it... No, this wasn't in a province, unknown tot he rest of the world. This was in the Sichuan province, a rising industrial center. Epic center was just outside the capital of the province and the tremors traveled 900 miles to the epic center of the Olympics. Slowly the death numbers rose, the damage valuation increased. The quake was measured at 7.9 just as the numbers of those left homeless started to be counted. And while at first Beijing did not seem to keen for help or attention. It soon realize it needed help. The measure of the blow sank in.
The was unrest and the government tried to stifle the noise. Other issues came into play as people began to examine corrupt practices such as cutting corners on infrastructue and the efficiency of response. The government felt it needed to silence media except for state media. Needed to keep a handle on its peoples mouth. And needed to control their feelings. Where had all your patrotism gone?
Suddenly, the diaspora deflated, they turn into victims and transported their energy into seeking for relief. Through the internet and other outreaches, they harness numbers to help the countrymen.
I began to think as China just began to feel its invincibility, just as patrotism turn into fervour... Babel fell.
I realised that just as dissenting took a back seat, for all you know the earth quaked. Out of it, maybe we heard something... Ask yourselve.
I only say, I don't this is an end, neither the Olympics...
Let me add, a little to the story. Not long before, all the rumble in China, there was a cyclone not to far way. In Myanmar. Another oppressive nation. Junta government to which China and India cozy up with because of its geographical advantages and natural resources. The death toll began its climb...

Near the Gulf of Mexico...

I went to the beach... no, not langkawi, not trengganu or anywhere near penang...no, actually it was florida. There are many fascinations to this escapade. It is not as wild, as releasing an idea. But you know when you are let from a hole, anything seems nice. Any air to one about to suffocate is oxygen to the dead. That is how it felt when I left. And the sky was weeping with me, tears of joy! So, one of the trills was driving there. I must say I enjoyed driving. It was scary in the night when it rained. The trucks were an overwhelming force, not on one side but two! Coming at you on the flanks, like Ferdinand and Vidic, only with more legs. Admittedly, I was intimidated to the core. The next time I was at the wheel, I resolve to ignore their scare bullying tactics. But I wasn't about to risk being taken down by a whipping so mostly I like them speed ahead of me. Once I felt more confident, I began Ronaldo-ing... and then I was on the way to Florida! Honestly, I wish I had more time on the wheel.
I wasn't too impress with Florida. The place we landed in though was quiet. I think that quite made the trip. But once you step into the sand, smell the salt and just push your eyes to the horizon, squint it against the reflection of the sun on the waters, then you forget time, you forget boundaries, you forget problems. At that moment, it is all about that moment. Playing in the foamy waves was fun. Crashing into them was even better. The water was deep so nobody had to go too far out. I must say the thoughts of shark attack still scares me deep down. I enjoyed sitting in the sand, burying myself underneath. It was like a blanket. Tucked inside with all the trapped thermal energy, I would dry in minutes. The sunshine makes one feel closer to heaven, to gold, to glory. The ray was electrifying after days without the glow. The immensity did not seem overwhelming.
One late morning, I was traversing the outskirts and of the ocean, on my journey I saw people picking shells, just being lazy (that is the objective), fishing, swimming, running, etc; as I took note of my surroundings, I began to think of what really was the beach to people. I mean of course there were all these activities and other water sports: jet skiing, kayaking, sailing, boating, snorkeling, surfing, etc... Why and how do people appreciate the beach?
It is truely amazing that beach holds so many fascination. Just standing in the shallow waters, as I felt the jagged ways hit onto shore and retreat in foam, the sensation of shells being dragged by the current back into the ocean. When I stooped down and wondered my hand feeling their broken pieces, unshapely pieces and once in a while feeling something still perfect. I mean it is wonderful that are small pleasures in life we don't always dwell on. Maybe that afternoon as I stood there preoccupied with the sea shells, maybe I could have done more with that time but there are things God creates so attractive that I wondered at that moment of my Creator. It would be hard to go to the beach and frolick in the sand without stopping to breathe the air and just taking a private moment the smell of the wind. So it would be hard not to take a moment off and replenish the soul, to replenish faith in seeing small, very small things wield so much power.

Glory Glory Man Utd!!!

I am so glad I found this website where I could watch Man Utd skim past Barcelona with a 1-0 win at Old Trafford. It was not exciting but it was definitely nail-bitting! God held Man Utd's post and I feel sorry for Deco, Messi and Henry! They had the ball possession, but we when away with the win now for a hearty all-England finals, first in history! cheers, mates!!!
Btw, thx Heineken and all sponsors... It is time for a Manchester United championship.

just in another day's work...

ok, so full-of-joys i read your blog today again. your latest post and momo recollection of chew what-a-joke it was funny, i was sitting in the library and i just started laughing at the laptop. hahaha... anyway, it was really good communicating thru msn and i can't wait to come back and play sotong ball... i mean netball... watch man utd and go soccer crazy. talk about making fun of teachers and just having some fun. well, i say yss was stupid for not making u relief teacher, cause you and we were a vital part of history... we made history...well i miss the fact that communicating is so rare just because of every complication its lousy and frustrating... anyway, i hope to come back soon!!

today, was a really cold day. but because of that i spend a good time studying and watching letters of iwo jima. the movie was effective not just because of the goriness but the emotions communicated in the midst of all that blood and death; just left me at the edge of my seat. i could feel with almost every character, how war traps the individual on both sides of the field. and i think that it also makes me consider the enemy. the image of the enemy is so different when you look as them as people just like ordinary people.

well i am going to work hard and then i am going for a week break in florida and then back to work... God help me enjoy life to the best!!!

I am now LICENSED

I felt really good yesterday. Probably the ultimate high of the week. On Wednessday I was feeling really cocky. But yesterday's feeling had a reason behind them. And the reason is...
I thought I was going to fail. This time it seem almost a clear failure path. Not because I thought I was nervous or that I would make mistakes. Instead, it was quite clear that I did not have one part of the test down to a science. That scare me. I though to myself that maybe I should not even try until I got it down. I knew that if ever I passed it would be nothing short of a miracle.
I had four hours of instruction with this certified instructor, a grumpy old man named Bee. He was as discouraging as could be. He would call his other students, do his stocks, even once forgot to bring the cones for practice. When we met him for half an hour before the test, it was clear he wanted to leave and he was both rude and sarcastic. It was clear, he thought I was going to fail.
By then I was tired, maybe the only energy I had was from stress. And sometimes, the only resort for dismal situations, the only hope, is prayer...
BUT, yes, I passed my test, didn't hit a cone and though I almost skip a traffic light and saw a man opposite getting arrested at a junction, I am now a license driver. Quite miraculously!!!
So we had a good dinner consisting of alaskan crabs and clams along with white wine..
Came back and drank a beer...
Thank God!! must also thank my father, unc abraham ad jere for fomenting the vision in such a short space of time. i must say it is always nice to beat the odds and defy the expectations. not just because its more fulfilling, but because it gives faith that miracles do happen when everything is out of your control!

The world is moving on. But where to...

I haven't been blogging for a while, but finally I am back. While I have been away, things have changed. Not just with me personally, but more so with the world I live in. In a way it has not changed but rather the light has shifted on what it is really like outside there in thw worth we call earth, we call home.
The Olympics, one of the things I look forward to is coming up this summer 2008. It is taking place in China. China and the Olympics? The irony must strike you. The embodiment of the human spirit and the emblem of the destroyer thereof. There are all sorts of arguments and issues being raised. As the Olympic torch has taken its journey, riots have been sparked in some of the major cities. It may seem like one of those activist movements, struggles; you know the usually crazy passionate freaks who riot for what they may not even know alot about. But there is alot at stake here. This arguments have not to do with if heads of states should attend. If China should have been given the right to hold the Olympics, or is it if Tibet really belongs to China. There is a principle to it. The principle of liberty and doing what is honest and proper. Some people say there is no absolute truth. But there is and we are cowards to hide from it. Why are leaders so afraid do something? Because of money? This problem of choosing liberty usually stayed down in countries where democracy was a far cry but now it has come to the doorsteps of the champions of the political ideology itself. And they are hesitating...
China has abused its own people. In Tianeman Square, one of the worst pictures when tanks of soldiers ran amok and ran down students their comrades... And the Chinese cannot even feel sad for their own people, they support their government but worse, its ideology, its repression and they blame the western media. It is not about the western media which is bias, admittedly, it is about priniciples which are very obvious form an objective perspective. But people have not just be stupefiied, but pacified with material contentment and material satisfaction of filthy lucre they would sell their souls.
Another thing that has taken of highlight mode, is the rising prices of food necessities. Daily staples such as rice, bread, milk and eggs have increase all over the world. No one is spared; neither rich nor poor, neither industrial countries nor agricultural sectors; neither young nor old. Of course, though the poor and defenceless are the ones that suffer the most from this events. But nobody really knows why this is happening? Nobody, no eocnomist dare even predict why this is happeing. That is why I think this is serious. Because it is baffling. I don't know I smell Malthus and then I smell something fishy... somebody is playing games...

Defining moment

Right now, I am looking forward to the sky weeping an ocean. Oh God let it rain so I can go outside and frolick like the world is only about moments like this. Wishful thinking? But I would pray to the God of the Heavens and earth, let it rain on the dry, cold earth.
I remeber the red sky nights with the breezy winds so strong that the flower pots drop the soil escaping and the shoes all wet. I remember the smell of the earth so comfortable, so refreshing to the everyday soul. And it is for these defining moments I crave now.

Solving conflicts

My sister has changed her blog skin but I am not going to change mine. Why? Becasue I am lazy. That describes my state. Almost everything is over except for presentation and a paper that has to be handed in then I think I am going to prepare for finals. But I was thinking just now that I should try not to be too ahead.. that just goes out to stress me but at the same time I don't like last minutes because I need space to get ready. So I don't know really know what to do...
I went to this organisation which is suppose to be an international org that helps the community and at the same time it is a social org. But what really disturb me is that in theri meeting they focus more on the social aspect. I think that people do not believe we all stand to gain from seriously solving a problem head on. Everyone is v self interested as though they are all very susicious about each other. Sometimes I just wonder if that would help anybody, i mean it is once agian superficial and such a waste of resource because the next generation will go on wasting resources to leave it unsolved and the cycle continues. It is quite baffling.
Anyway, recently LKY said he thinks that stability is more important than democracy. Wow, he is becoming so blatant and getting away with it!!

Ice hockey game- surrounding echos-

The other day, we were at the game. I just remembered my thoughts enough to blog. And we were standing but the people were tall and chunky, I could not really see much of anything. Therefore, I was standing behind this person in a small room either he was an official or a technician during the games he would mend something or at least sit in the room. The room is this really small box and it is transparent, so I could stand behind and catch a glimpse of the game.
The atmosphere was intense. People were cheering. And they would go from vulgarities to politiness in their manner of speech, or should I say cheer. Sometimes it was funny sometimes it was mean. And yes, one could definitely laugh, you know what for be so critical of the game. But I just felt they were all so trapped in their world and it was kind of bitter resentment all translating into this energy in the game.
But before that, let me tell you what make me think this way. So this man sitting in his small box, when there was a goal he hardly even flinch, goal for either side, he never once blink. And those students next to him they were the exact opposite all gone wild. Like that was the heaven dropping. And right before me this stark contrast just frighten me beyond words I was so captivated by it. This old man had prob seen so many of these games they made no sense in his head his coldness in comparison to the vibrancy of the young spectators send chills down my spine. It was cold blooded.
I couldn't enjoy the game anymore. I felt that, at that point, that was the representative of life. And I realised there was no running away from it. The foolish screams and trying-to-be-funny insulting cheers that they made against the goalkeeper from the other team just did not seem right. It seemed crueled. For once, I understood a game is a game and more than the game is human comrade. I am not communist. I just felt like something sank. Now that is depressing.

Fairy tale

The girl lies on her bed. Falling into its soft cushion. Today is her birthday soon within minutes it would pass. And she tries to go to sleep. The day wasn't bad but it wasn't as she wish it had been. She would not admit it to herself. It was not bad and she thought to be happy of that. But it was her birthday some years back. And she didn't dare ask for more. But she wanted to. She wanted to feel that it was cherished and remember not just with a few gifts but by having people around. Her family and friends. And now they were so distant.
She lies on her bed; she is tired almost exhausted. But she won't fall into a deep sleep. Blame the allergies and she keeps taking pills so she would fall asleep but she does not. She can't. Because it is haunting her mind. The lack of extraordinary is.

Over Lunch...

I am sitting facing the glass panel that does not shield the sunlight from me. It falls all over me as I take my food. People move in and out, bouncing with life. Just going along-- sometimes being dragged, other times pushing. It is not like eating really gives you the energy to survive. Neither does it condition our soul to circumstances.
It seems like in our life time we get to know life as we see it and we don't change it unless circumstances forces us to. Thats when we learn that outside this spectrum we dictate to ourselves as habitat there are other conditions the equate to habitat to others almost like us except they don't live like us.
That sums up life in a way, knowing and getting to know the way life wants you to see it.

Exam

Bloody Econ test today. The teacher kept talking at the first part. Shut up. It was so irritating. Plus I was tensed enough. I have a feeling it won't be good. And I am disappointed.
I almost forgot I had a class after that just because my whole brain was in a very tense atmosphere and I could not let it relax.
I have another one on Friday. Would be glad when it ends. But honestly I feel less pressure htis week so I should not complain.

Little thought...

We went through Karl Marx. Funny thing is I feel less hatred for him. I feel sorry for him, really. I mean I still don't know the whole inside story but I feel it was not ill intention or a wan tof power or anger that drove him to such a theory. In fact, it almost seemed well intention just plain stupid. At first it is alluring, bu the assumptions in this case are very naive.
For one thing, it makes me feel better.

Inter-reactions

I am thinking about human relationship. Not anything specific. Just everybody around me. The interactions of the universe, of people wit those around them. And interactions are just not what one does with an acquaintance, is the thoughts, the presumptions and assumptions, the questions, the gossips,etc.. What one may not say or even does not feel or think as well. Those are the way that make us what we are, and how we relate to others.
That is so empowering. That is so huge. Just take a while to imagine just between one person and another then times that by the multitude. It is a spectacle. Everything comes into play. Especially the immensity.
I really don't know what to do with it. I just wonder and I cannot ever apprehend it. I feel so belittled by that very thought. Think what expressions what delusions what atrocities we commit every day. We ruin life with those shatters.

The imagine translating that onto our immediate relations. We are dealing through our hearts, through our feelings and our mind and trying to communicate and receive the result of our communications. And then we interpret messages as we again measure it up.
And we cause something in another. Another with a life and measuring cylinder like us, but then not quite like us. Can anyone even quantify that?

It is bloody amazing. But so scary.

Everyday and today

I do have a lot of work to do. It just that its too much. So every now and then, I take a break. Sometimes, it is especially long. I have a question bothering? When do I continue to write. I wish I wish I would be so inspired I would do it now. And then there is tomorrow. But there would not always be tomorrow.
I have bloody econ to do and that is so tedious. I mean I always love it till now. I don't know why? I should not be afraid to work to use my brains but somehow I am. I am afraid to let it work.
Writing Journal is nice. Write anything one once to write but being ask to keep a journal... seems we are back to sec 1 and 2. where teachers have nothing better for yout o do so they sk ou to keep journals that make you and then link for an eternity. And if you have nothing to write frabicate something. that is what we do in journals.

But I have to try. So I am going to try.

probability and possibility

I have been reading today on my bed because i am tired. last night i stayed till 4 am to finish stupid econ question which are not really conceptual more like math questions. which is really stupid to waste time on such things, i am studying economics not math.
ANYWAY, i was reading about realism and about how real threats are. it just makes me feel people are really fickle and forgetful. i think i am too. forgetfulness is the bane of a lot of things when society is generally forgetful we tend to first, underestimate things, and then subsequently, we lose focus and reap the consequences of our injustice. time and again, we have heard this story and yet we just don't see to come to term with it.
i man, i agree some people do instigate things and heat the fire to disproportionate amounts and it is not right either.
where do we draw the line???

Reconcilation

The month of July and it nears the end. The reminder in the cup is shallow. What thoughts would saturated the dregs of the cup...
People always talk about the limitations. The problem is that I do not recognized the limitaions. For example, when I play I do not know the limitations and I cross the boundaries. Which apparently is a clear thin lline to everyone else. In a way it is also true for myself. I must regonize the threshold. No, I don't. It crosses my mind that I may never know my endurance level until I break it or touch it.
And it occurs to me that the sense of it is reasonable. Are there signs that point to the eventuality? I have been trying to gauge. I am in the midst of the study and I would rerasonably answer that yes there is, mostly thought the interpretations can vary. It calls for closer attention. Concentration.
I need to concentrate. Be concious of things around me.
So as July 07 slips out of my hand like the grains of sand, time will eventually run out on us all, I reckon that it only remains to be said that I did regret no paying close attention to life around me. What is it? Is it selfishness and deceit that negates that attention. Or is it just a mere stupididty that results in sucha lack of study?
The interesting thing is that the boundary is nominal. It flips and turns according to occasion and circumstance. It therefore requires experiments that may be too costly because they involve human feelings.

the month of July

Honestly, I think that reading too much, filling myself from head to toe with the words of books, make me lifeless after a while. Just like the adage all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. I think reading too much take the purposes and inspiration out of words. I feel that I trap myself in an entanglement and lose the meaning of the toiling and the reason for expression.
So when I pull myself out of it all and look back, I realize why it was such a sombre journey so dilapidated of energy. It gets boring and tedious when I do not remember the conviction and urge that has stirred up such great vengence so that I had a belief that I needed to pen it down through much toil and labour. Even the ideas lose its spirit and form. They merely stroke the fire of frustration.
Coming back to earth, to the touch of reality brings back every other touch. It takes away the stress.
Now, I have began to read, once again, The Wealth of Nation. Wealth, says Hobbes, is power. I do think that reading it has both a sense of boredom and liveliness. Boredom because it is tedious going through every idea only to feel the dryness of each thought. Just like words would do. They always do that. But liveliness because every though dry and lifeness connect meaning to facets of a pulsating world. Yet boredom again, because so what that it does? And still lively, because your mind is occupied. The argument goes on.
I have been wondering all this while what to do. Education they say is not that important after all. At least soformally. Because one can always educate oneselve. The problem that in the ways of the world you have to be out there to see it. It is not just the formal education but the breakthrough in society. A cruel market that we need to be wise as serpents. The only way to get that wise part is to get acquainted with it.
The good part is that it has been raining this few nights. the red sky, just the thought of it make sme feel the cozy night and when the trees sashay to the beat of the rain, it is a heavenly perspective. Wherever you are you cannot be denied that pleasure. Only the deaf or blind.
If I do not move, I can travel. If I do not move I can stay hidden here. I can hide under the covers. I can go for escapes. I can sit under the moon. I can linger in thoughts and sleep late. I will be sheilded from almost everything.It won't be a painless exsistence, just less painful.
Then I will go back to Cameron soon.

Whereabouts..

Till Monday, it will b break or make. Scary.
Anyhow, I am glad to finish another chapter. Or least I hope it is. At least for now. I think it came of quite well mixed, the facts and the non facts, alos I think the theory and the ideas is there. Hopefully it is well explained. I will definitely have to revisit it but at least for now it has taken some form the upgrading and add ons can come in later.

In a moment.

The bird flies into the horizon. I see its jaggered-end wings flap rythmatically and soon I hear it as well. It hits the air heavily. Like when one flaps a dusty mat and suddenly the dust falls off into life.. Taking to the sky, its breathe is drawn in in magnificent and you could hear the tiny heart so high in the sky with all the majesty and illusions you have never touch. You wonder at the serenity through it in such an exhilerating occassion. It is slow and pronounced, so that it is almost close to my ears and I can feel the vibration. Slowly it just drops out of sight as the last drop of refreshing cold water into a thirsty soul and then close your eyes and ravish the memory.